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Browsing All Posts filed under »Personal«
“NYC – Play or Be Played” #22
It started like any ordinary day. Waking thoughts of failure, self-doubt, panic over money, fear of the future, fear of no men ever again, and another annoying text message from my New York friend, Denise. She’s always bragging about her nights out and meeting men. It never used to bother me, because I was there in […]
“VITO THE GUIDO” #19
February 16, 2011
Vito refuses to take off his gold chains. He says he feels naked without them. Vito could be considered what anthropologists of our day call a “metrosexual.” Sometimes Vito doesn’t even care about the opposite sex. He derives his self-esteem from looking good. He often quotes Billy Crystal, “To look good is to feel good. […]
“Bed Bath and Way Beyond” #17
February 11, 2011
I put my coat on and am waiting at the door, while my parents argue about which car to take. My father wants to take his Smart Car, but my mother asks where I will fit, as it’s only a two-seater. He says that they can strap me to the roof. That seems to make […]
“The UPS Man and His ‘Package'” #16
February 9, 2011
I’ve always had a thing for UPS guys. They’re sexy and nice. What more do you need? So, when the doorbell rang and I ran down to open it to this cocoa-colored brother, standing 6’2” in his nicely pressed browns, how could my heart not miss a beat? In my sling, I sign for the package […]
“About To Get Some Action” #14
February 7, 2011
The rendezvous was set. Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me. Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would resume the lovely relationship I had so missed. But, for now, and maybe to protect […]
“Match.com” #13
February 6, 2011
Before “lockdown” I had subscribed to Match.com in the city, with very little action, yet quite a lot of disappointment. My subscription is about to expire in a few days. I hadn’t thought about it much, but there was a 29-year-old who had emailed me three times over the last few days. This was his 4th email sent, no-lie my peoples, just […]
“4:13 AM” #12
February 5, 2011
So, I wake up at 4:13am. I can’t sleep. Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man. I can’t help but wish I were cuddling with a man on this winter night, instead of a 75 pound tank of dog […]
“Vito Wants to Audition for ‘Jersey Shore'” #11
February 4, 2011
I would take him, but my Dad won’t let me have the car.
“A Shitty Situation” #10
February 4, 2011
My Dad says as I walk in the kitchen, “I’ve renamed your dog ‘The Ass Canon.’ What are you feeding him?” “I…” “–He farts like it’s going out of style. I don’t have many years left. I don’t want to live with them with a gas mask.” I’m thinking to myself, I get it. Dogs […]
“The Guy Who Dumped Me is Texting Me” #9
February 3, 2011
So, sometime before I got fired from my bullshit day job, I met this guy who was unlike any I had ever dated before. He was kind, smart, almost a bit nerdy (which I thought was a good thing, since I’d always had a penchant for assholes), and very tall. Things started slow, but before you […]
My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours 
February 21, 2011
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