Browsing All Posts filed under »Writing«

“About To Get Some Action” #14

February 7, 2011

18

The rendezvous was set.  Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me.  Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would resume the lovely relationship I had so missed.  But, for now, and maybe to protect […]

“Match.com” #13

February 6, 2011

16

Before “lockdown” I had subscribed to Match.com in the city, with very little action, yet quite a lot of disappointment.  My subscription is about to expire in a few days.  I hadn’t thought about it much, but there was a 29-year-old who had emailed me three times over the last few days.  This was his 4th email sent, no-lie my peoples, just […]

“4:13 AM” #12

February 5, 2011

11

So, I wake up at 4:13am.  I can’t sleep.  Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man.  I can’t help but wish I were cuddling with a man on this winter night, instead of a 75 pound tank of dog […]

“A Shitty Situation” #10

February 4, 2011

9

My Dad says as I walk in the kitchen, “I’ve renamed your dog ‘The Ass Canon.’  What are you feeding him?” “I…” “–He farts like it’s going out of style.  I don’t have many years left.  I don’t want to live with them with a gas mask.” I’m thinking to myself, I get it.  Dogs […]

“The Guy Who Dumped Me is Texting Me” #9

February 3, 2011

7

So, sometime before I got fired from my bullshit day job, I met this guy who was unlike any I had ever dated before.  He was kind, smart, almost a bit nerdy (which I thought was a good thing, since I’d always had a penchant for assholes), and very tall.  Things started slow, but before you […]

“They Ambush Me” #8

February 3, 2011

13

Now that I’m living with them, my mother has a new lease on life, a reason to wake up in the morning.  She has found her life’s purpose: to get me married. Which is funny, because I can’t say I’m much of a looker these days.  I eat about 12 Mallomars a day and haven’t […]

“Vito Wants Out” #6

February 2, 2011

9

Vito has started growling at my father.  I tell my Dad it’s because he’s not giving him any attention.  But, deep down I worry that Vito (my Pit Bull) has a dark side.  That he will snap and maul my Dad because he doesn’t like him.  And that would really suck…for my father. So, I […]

“The Cookie Has Crumbled” #5

February 1, 2011

5

My father calls me in to the den.  He wants to talk to me.  “I think your dog is eating my Mallomars.” I am silent.  #1 – I’m worried that he hates Vito so much.  #2 – I’m the one who’s really eating the Mallomars.  You see, I made a list of all the things […]

“The Cell Phone F*#ker” #4

February 1, 2011

12

I tell my mom I want to be dropped off at Starbucks so I can work on my writing.  She says I have to ask my father.  (Am I 40 or 7?)  So, I ask him if he’ll drop me off at Starbucks so I can work on my ‘resume.’  He says I can work […]