Browsing All Posts filed under »Me«

“P-A-R-T-A-Y” #25

February 26, 2011

15

So, I decide to do something good and invite Rob over for dinner.  It’s the least I can do for him driving me around and being my faithful accomplice on the mission of embarrassing cell phone abusers.  As we drive home, my phone rings.  It’s my father who tells me that they just got home […]

“NYC – Play or Be Played” #22

February 21, 2011

18

It started like any ordinary day.  Waking thoughts of failure, self-doubt, panic over money, fear of the future, fear of no men ever again, and another annoying text message from my New York friend, Denise. She’s always bragging about her nights out and meeting men.  It never used to bother me, because I was there in […]

“Bed Bath and Way Beyond” #17

February 11, 2011

9

I put my coat on and am waiting at the door, while my parents argue about which car to take.  My father wants to take his Smart Car, but my mother asks where I will fit, as it’s only a two-seater.  He says that they can strap me to the roof.  That seems to make […]

“The UPS Man and His ‘Package'” #16

February 9, 2011

14

I’ve always had a thing for UPS guys.  They’re sexy and nice.  What more do you need?  So, when the doorbell rang and I ran down to open it to this cocoa-colored brother, standing 6’2” in his nicely pressed browns, how could my heart not miss a beat?  In my sling, I sign for the package […]

“About To Get Some Action” #14

February 7, 2011

18

The rendezvous was set.  Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me.  Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would resume the lovely relationship I had so missed.  But, for now, and maybe to protect […]

“Match.com” #13

February 6, 2011

16

Before “lockdown” I had subscribed to Match.com in the city, with very little action, yet quite a lot of disappointment.  My subscription is about to expire in a few days.  I hadn’t thought about it much, but there was a 29-year-old who had emailed me three times over the last few days.  This was his 4th email sent, no-lie my peoples, just […]

“4:13 AM” #12

February 5, 2011

11

So, I wake up at 4:13am.  I can’t sleep.  Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man.  I can’t help but wish I were cuddling with a man on this winter night, instead of a 75 pound tank of dog […]

“Vito Wants to Audition for ‘Jersey Shore'” #11

February 4, 2011

6

I would take him, but my Dad won’t let me have the car.

“A Shitty Situation” #10

February 4, 2011

9

My Dad says as I walk in the kitchen, “I’ve renamed your dog ‘The Ass Canon.’  What are you feeding him?” “I…” “–He farts like it’s going out of style.  I don’t have many years left.  I don’t want to live with them with a gas mask.” I’m thinking to myself, I get it.  Dogs […]

“The Guy Who Dumped Me is Texting Me” #9

February 3, 2011

7

So, sometime before I got fired from my bullshit day job, I met this guy who was unlike any I had ever dated before.  He was kind, smart, almost a bit nerdy (which I thought was a good thing, since I’d always had a penchant for assholes), and very tall.  Things started slow, but before you […]