Browsing All Posts filed under »Thoughts«

I Don’t Care About the Assholes

August 11, 2014

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I’ve lived a lifetime of trying to escape the negativity of my situation by focusing on the positive. My mother now believes that, too. Not because I rubbed off on her – unfortunately I think I only gave her stress. But, because she learned it on TV. From Dr. Oz to be specific. But I […]

“Cell Phone Avengers” #24

February 24, 2011

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Rob and I are like Wayne and Garth; two unemployed losers who have to get away from our senior citizen parents and do something useful.  I think we’ve found our purpose.   It all started when I tried to take Rob to the library to find a book on his mom’s depression, and there, in the […]

“VITO THE GUIDO” #19

February 16, 2011

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Vito refuses to take off his gold chains.  He says he feels naked without them.   Vito could be considered what anthropologists of our day call a “metrosexual.” Sometimes Vito doesn’t even care about the opposite sex.  He derives his self-esteem from looking good.  He often quotes Billy Crystal, “To look good is to feel good.  […]

“Bed Bath and Way Beyond” #17

February 11, 2011

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I put my coat on and am waiting at the door, while my parents argue about which car to take.  My father wants to take his Smart Car, but my mother asks where I will fit, as it’s only a two-seater.  He says that they can strap me to the roof.  That seems to make […]

“The UPS Man and His ‘Package'” #16

February 9, 2011

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I’ve always had a thing for UPS guys.  They’re sexy and nice.  What more do you need?  So, when the doorbell rang and I ran down to open it to this cocoa-colored brother, standing 6’2” in his nicely pressed browns, how could my heart not miss a beat?  In my sling, I sign for the package […]

“About To Get Some Action” #14

February 7, 2011

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The rendezvous was set.  Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me.  Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would resume the lovely relationship I had so missed.  But, for now, and maybe to protect […]

“Match.com” #13

February 6, 2011

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Before “lockdown” I had subscribed to Match.com in the city, with very little action, yet quite a lot of disappointment.  My subscription is about to expire in a few days.  I hadn’t thought about it much, but there was a 29-year-old who had emailed me three times over the last few days.  This was his 4th email sent, no-lie my peoples, just […]

“4:13 AM” #12

February 5, 2011

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So, I wake up at 4:13am.  I can’t sleep.  Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man.  I can’t help but wish I were cuddling with a man on this winter night, instead of a 75 pound tank of dog […]

“Vito Wants to Audition for ‘Jersey Shore'” #11

February 4, 2011

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I would take him, but my Dad won’t let me have the car.

“A Shitty Situation” #10

February 4, 2011

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My Dad says as I walk in the kitchen, “I’ve renamed your dog ‘The Ass Canon.’  What are you feeding him?” “I…” “–He farts like it’s going out of style.  I don’t have many years left.  I don’t want to live with them with a gas mask.” I’m thinking to myself, I get it.  Dogs […]