Browsing All posts tagged under »Journal«

“I’m Too Sexy” #27

March 1, 2011

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You wouldn’t think that being 40, unemployed, and forced to live with your nut-job parents would provide any opportunity to feel your innate sexiness… But let me tell you, I am learning a thing or two about how life works and the miraculous surprises around every corner if you are just willing to put down […]

“Food Stamps For Mallomars” #26

February 28, 2011

16

It was an ordinary night of thievery.  Middle of the night panic soothed with the scrumptious taste of stolen Mallomars.  I did, however, make one fatal mistake.  I ate the last one.  Not on my A-game, I’ve been messy, out of sorts.  Not the kind of criminal George Clooney would pick for an Ocean’s Fourteen.    So, […]

“P-A-R-T-A-Y” #25

February 26, 2011

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So, I decide to do something good and invite Rob over for dinner.  It’s the least I can do for him driving me around and being my faithful accomplice on the mission of embarrassing cell phone abusers.  As we drive home, my phone rings.  It’s my father who tells me that they just got home […]

“NYC – Play or Be Played” #22

February 21, 2011

18

It started like any ordinary day.  Waking thoughts of failure, self-doubt, panic over money, fear of the future, fear of no men ever again, and another annoying text message from my New York friend, Denise. She’s always bragging about her nights out and meeting men.  It never used to bother me, because I was there in […]

“VITO THE GUIDO” #19

February 16, 2011

7

Vito refuses to take off his gold chains.  He says he feels naked without them.   Vito could be considered what anthropologists of our day call a “metrosexual.” Sometimes Vito doesn’t even care about the opposite sex.  He derives his self-esteem from looking good.  He often quotes Billy Crystal, “To look good is to feel good.  […]

“Bed Bath and Way Beyond” #17

February 11, 2011

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I put my coat on and am waiting at the door, while my parents argue about which car to take.  My father wants to take his Smart Car, but my mother asks where I will fit, as it’s only a two-seater.  He says that they can strap me to the roof.  That seems to make […]

“The UPS Man and His ‘Package'” #16

February 9, 2011

14

I’ve always had a thing for UPS guys.  They’re sexy and nice.  What more do you need?  So, when the doorbell rang and I ran down to open it to this cocoa-colored brother, standing 6’2” in his nicely pressed browns, how could my heart not miss a beat?  In my sling, I sign for the package […]

“About To Get Some Action” #14

February 7, 2011

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The rendezvous was set.  Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me.  Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would resume the lovely relationship I had so missed.  But, for now, and maybe to protect […]

“Match.com” #13

February 6, 2011

16

Before “lockdown” I had subscribed to Match.com in the city, with very little action, yet quite a lot of disappointment.  My subscription is about to expire in a few days.  I hadn’t thought about it much, but there was a 29-year-old who had emailed me three times over the last few days.  This was his 4th email sent, no-lie my peoples, just […]

“4:13 AM” #12

February 5, 2011

11

So, I wake up at 4:13am.  I can’t sleep.  Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man.  I can’t help but wish I were cuddling with a man on this winter night, instead of a 75 pound tank of dog […]