THE DOG SPEAKS

Posted on December 28, 2013

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Watching the Blog in Action

Watching the Blog in Action


Hello, this is Luigi the Pit Bull.

For any bad English, I blame the typist.

I recently agreed to appear in Myra’s production about our lives. I know her parents are crazy, and it’s funny to all of you, but I was under the assumption that this webisode was a love story about me and the poodle down the street. By love story, I mean soft porn.

I wrote the script and everything. Yeah, it was risqué, but what isn’t these days? I thought Myra found it and was going to surprise me, as a sort of holiday present, if you will, by allowing me and Candice (the poodle down the street) to get it on (as I wrote it) on the couch, in the backyard, and under the bed. As you can imagine my surprise when my only action in the production was to lie on the bed and look cute or snuggle with Myra while her parents argued off screen about coupons and exchanged curses. Most of the time I’m on screen, I’m asleep. Because that’s what I do when I’m bored. And not getting close and personal with Candice.

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Myra left Chips Ahoy on the bed. Twenty minutes later a cloud of gas is killing the crew, scattering them like cockroaches near and far. Guess what? Cookies on the bed = I eat them. It’s not my fault my stomach has an issue with it.

Anyway, I digress. Look, I’ve had it hard. I once ran the parks of New York City with freedom and power. Now I run under the couch when Linda puts on her Spanish soap operas. I once wrestled with Shih Tzus, Lhasa Apsos, Great Danes, Bichon Frises and Bull Terriers. Now I squint at territorial German Shepards across the street wanting to kill me through their fence. No offense against German Shepherds, and pardon my French, but they’re so f-ing Long Island.

So, you can imagine my imagination gone wild when I spot a sexy dame up the street who gives me the time of day out here. She’s not just like any other poodle. She’s got class. And for a Long Island dog, that’s a real coup d’état.

Maybe Myra will finally pay attention when she sees I hijacked her blog. This is a desperate call for action. Let me have a webisode, the way I wrote it. Fur on fur.

Now, if you don’t mind, I smell a defrosting steak while everyone’s leaving for an errand. I’ve got some (NYC) separation anxiety to act out…

Pit Bull in Love

Pit Bull in Love

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/LuigiThePitBull

The pilot episode that launched my acting career:

Posted in: Humor, Life